In the spirit of being the world’s worst purple belt (a title I hope to drop in the future) – I have barely fucking trained since getting my belt. The reason for this is well, sickness. This winter I have caught about every fucking variant of flu or cold imaginable. My sinuses have been a thick gloopy mess for weeks upon weeks, and rather than jump back on the saddle too quickly, I decided to properly rest after I was over my sickness. I’ve even been working less hours. And then my club shut for Christmas, because they hate me.
Physical exercise has been limited since also. I walk to and from work, and keep telling myself I’ll start doing press-ups and sit-ups again in the house, but then I remember how un-festive that would be, and gorge myself on chocolate instead. I’m not about to make any New Year/New Me dietary claims here, because well, I’m not a complete dickhead, and being Scottish means by law I have to deep fry everything.
I’m living a tiny little nightmare at the moment, until my club opens again on the 5th of January. I’m looking forward to getting stuck in, and training hard for this coming year’s competitions. Living inside of the club’s shark tank, where we’ll all take turns kicking the shit out of one another, at our very weakest. That’s how monsters are born.
I’ve basically decided I’m going to compete until I win. You see, I’ve got that super-confident self-deprecating British attitude that we’re so very loved for. I never expect to do well in competition, but I’m at that point now where I know to up my game, I’m going to have to compete, and compete frequently. I want to be the best I can be, and I’ll do that by conquering my own anxieties in a room full of people trying to twist my head off at the neck. It’s time to put some fucking effort into this sport, because I’ve somehow achieved what I have without being the hardest working guy in the room. If I actually start training like less of a slovenly twat, I could probably be decent. Imagine that.
I know what you’re thinking though, how could you claim to be The Lazy Grappler, if you’re going to work hard at this ridiculous sport? I’ll play possum. Check mate, you shit. DIDN’T THINK OF THAT, DID YA? Except I’ll now have the cardio and strength to back it up, rather than trying to spring to my feet, and looking like a tramp in a gi trying not to be sick over himself.
Anyways, it’s probably around about now I should be wishing you all a Happy New Year. I hope that you achieve whatever your goals in 2015 are, and become the best version of yourself you can be. That’s enough soppy shit now. Get lost, LOSERS.