For a while now I have been truly miserable. Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about progress, and I’m firmly of the opinion that I’m nowhere fucking near to where I should be. It’s a shitty position to be in, but I’ve been through it before. Sometimes it’s a real slog to move forward in this sport, and the route I’m currently taking seems counter-intuitive to progress, which is inherently frustrating.

I don’t train enough. Currently I’m making a lot more effort to train, but those invisible gains are exactly that. Invisible. I’ve got to continue onwards in the belief that things will get better. Albeit very slowly. This dark cloud of mental shiteness and self doubt that I have hanging over me will lift. I’ve been training long enough to know that.

Today was a much needed kick in the stones. Marc Walder decided to come back to Dundee to teach another one of his brilliant seminars. It was three hours of very focused training on footlocks. Specifically the achilles lock, but also enough of a push to let you know the options you have from each place. Marc’s a man of sequence (not to be mistaken with sequins, a far more glamourous approach to Jiu-Jitsu). One technique will link into the next, and then the next, and so on and so forth until you have gone full circle. It’s a thoroughly effective way to train in my opinion. He breaks technique down well, and the reasons for doing it well. He’s also patient enough to run through the technique with you 1,000,000 times until you get it.

A couple of things that really resonated once I grasped the techniques, were the shin on shin guard stuff. It’s something I hope to incorporate into my game immediately. The takedown was very simple, and there’s some funky sweep options, as well as some nice leglock options. We’ve been working leglocks for weeks now, under the tutelage of Mestre Billy Beckers. I’d like to make it a focus of my game for the time being. Whether my overall game becomes leglock based, I dunno but certainly at the moment I seem to be really gelling with the concepts behind them.

My spirits have been lifted greatly, and that’s thanks to a few important people today. First of all, my girlfriend supports me through all of this nonsense, and puts up with my shitty attitude when I’m miserable because things just aren’t working at training. She’s great.
Marc has yet to put on a seminar where I haven’t learned a fuckload, and I know he’s also available to go through techniques, or talk through life or well whatever, really.
Grant arranged this seminar with Marc personally, so I suppose I’ll give him a mention. The arsehole.
And finally, and most importantly my training partner for the day, Euan The Fat Cockroach Sloane. His patience and kindness are that of a gentleman, and I realise now that calling him The Fat Cockroach makes me look like a prick. However, that’s the name he donned himself. Not long after calling me the Nasty Cat, for no reason whatsoever. Bastard.

The happier, more enthused me will be back soon. Promise.


2 responses to “Plummeting.

  1. Gotta love the journey my brotha, no sense in guilt tripping yourself for not being “where you should be.”

    • It’s not so much a guilt trip as it is an awareness. There are positives to it, I guess. It keeps me grounded. There’s no chance of developing an ego when you have a self-deprecating view.

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