Tonight, I went down to my usual Friday NoGi rolling. I’ve been lucky for the last however many weeks, in that Kenny hasn’t been able to get his rotund frame through the door as often as he’d like; due to his ear taking the same form as the rest of him, by bloating.

I knew tonight was coming, ever since I wrote my previous post all the way back in July. I had a warmup roll with Olly, and he tasted my fear (I may have farted in his mouth, a little bit). I’ve been playing with leg attacks a bit more recently. Getting used to going inverted, etc. I don’t really understand any of it, but it’s good fun to just explore. Olly smashed me slapped me about for my troubles.

Kenny slowly pulled on his safety helmet (to protect his knotted ear – he refuses to call it a cauliflower ear, because it sounds to healthy). He stared me right in the eyes, and then we did that usual awkward handshake bullshit that grapplers do, where you slap hands, then try to fist bump and what actually happens is you sort of stroke one another’s fingers. It’s horrible, but also a welcome alternative to actually rolling with the fat, vengeful cunt.

I’d be a lot happier if he just subbed me a thousand times, but that didn’t happen. He caught me a couple of times, and then blobbed all over me, using his weight well, and basically just running through me like I’d somehow sullied his good name. I’ve no idea where he got that from. My shoulders and upper back really, truly ache. I didn’t really get the chance to threaten him with anything, because he was quite simply too much to handle (fat jokes are all I’ve got right now).

I’ll get him back. I’ll probably keep it to myself though.



One response to “Smited.

  1. Actually laughed out loud at work.

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