Hello again friends. A rather portly friend of mine literally begged me to do another one of these. I’ll not name names, but it rhymes with Boney.
It’s been too long (almost a year in fact).
So I figured I’d dust off the old typewriter, and see what flows out.
The answer of course is a load of old shite that probably doesn’t make any sense at all – but hey, it’s been therapeutic regardless. No harm, no foul.
Last year didn’t exactly close well for me, and this year hasn’t exactly started well. The world as I know it has unraveled, and it’s becoming increasingly more difficult to manage that. I have been filled with a weighty pain ever since my dad died. I’ve tried to manage that as best I can by having what I deem to be a normal life. My normal isn’t exactly remarkable, but it works for me.
I work. I train. I chill. That’s it.
Sure there’s other little things that ease the thick black tar that surrounds my heart, but for the most part I’m very set in my routine. I work a lot, but it’s manageable because I train a good bit too. This helps to work out any tension that’s there from the weekly rat race. I then have some downtime to manage any aches and pains from training. It’s a simple and often flawed system, but it works. Coaching fits in somewhere too, and allows me to take focus off of myself and try and better others.
I’ve found that dealing with the loss of a loved one really is all about distraction in moderation. Knowing when to do something, and when not to. The pain will always be there, but it’s how you manage that pain that’s important. I’m not able to manage that pain as well anymore.
I work from home, I chill at home and I no longer train. The days have all become one long miserable blur.
Pre-BJJ I would have thought this was the life. Barry the wee couch potato would be in his wee skinny/fat element, playing Xbox and avoiding the world forever.
Not now though, I fucking hate it.
I haven’t trained since March 8th, which for a so called lazy grappler is actually the longest I’ve been without training in the entire time I’ve done this funny old thing. That includes injuries. It’s a pretty stark contrast to my ‘normal’ routine.
I did a Gi class in the morning at Grant’s, followed by a NoGi seminar in the afternoon at DMMA (thon Raspberry Ape no less).
It was a really bloody good day. I didn’t know it’d be my last day training for the foreseeable future.
Y’see, it was around about that time that some creepy little virus started to take the UK by storm. The media prior to this decided to just have a good old chuckle at China. Silly media.
Before you know it, like the latest hot new pop sensation, everyone was talking about it. I pre-empted the shit hitting the fan here and decided to take a week or two off to see how things were going to play out (any excuse eh).
This was less to do with my own health, and more to do with the health of some loved ones. Given half the chance, I would never stop training. It completes me like that laddie completed the other laddie in Brokeback Mountain. By god did he complete him. Over and over again.
The plan was for Covid to fuck off forever, but I’d still have gotten some much needed down time before getting back after it. The government decided that wasn’t to be. Jiu-Jitsu was well and truly fucked, not just for me – but for everyone (that plays by the rules).
It’s now approaching November and we’re really no further forward. Scientists and politicians just don’t mix well. It makes you wonder why we have bred politicians from families of politicians, taught in schools to create politicians instead of getting people to run the country that are actually educated in something that isn’t lies, deceit and being an entitled cunt.
Gyms either have to take one of two stances for BJJ; stupid no-contact classes or succombing to the seedy underground and delivering live lessons behind closed doors. CLOSE THOSE BLOODY BLINDS.
Those silly Tory fucks and the SNP have basically created real life Fight Clubs. I’m sure that wasn’t their intent when they shut the gyms for contact training. When the uprising is finally upon us (and as long as we’re within grabbing range) – the fat cats are fucked. Yer getting looped Boris, and I doubt you’re going to be able to stop it.
I’ve taken the suitably unhealthy stance of doing next to fuck all since March 8th. There was a bit of light exercise for a bit, but that died quickly. This has had a horrible affect on my mental and physical health. There has been a lot of take-aways, and lots of drinking. I’m basically a villain nowadays.
I consume whatever free time I have with playing the Xbox, angrily shouting and generally being an absolute fucking tyrant to be around.
Prior to Covid, my training was a bit more lax because my interest had waned. This was fairly grief driven and not actually a lack of interest in BJJ. I still love it, I just didn’t need it the same. It wasn’t my wonder cure then, but bizarrely without it now, I’m lost.
My coaching however was really coming into its own. I’ve coached for years with varying degress of success, but I feel in the last year or so before Covid, I’d begun to take some real strides. I’d developed my own style of coaching, taking bits from other coaches that I’ve been lucky enough to train under or with. People were following the material well, and I was showered in hugs and kisses from all the boys at the end of every class. It’s what every coach wants really. We’re not so far removed from the Greeks you know. We’re only a bit of nudity and some oil away from a bloody good time.
As my mental health has declined, I had to take a few steps to prevent further and deeper slumps into depression. I’ve mostly got things under wraps with some light exercise, less consumption of the bad stuff and a bit more openness to the fact that there’s a problem – I’m still miles away from actually being myself or anywhere near being a happy person. That shit takes time, yo.
Over the years I’ve put a lot of stock into Jiu-Jitsu as a device for physical and mental health – not having it has seemingly allowed all those cheeky critters inside my head to run riot. Going back, it can’t be everything though – that in itself isn’t healthy and I didn’t realise it at the time, because I ignorantly thought we were beyond a global fucking pandemic bringing pyjama fighting to its fucking knees (there’s a joke somewhere about how BJJ guys start on their knees anyways, but I’m not clever enough to make it). I’d hate to crumble again, whilst out with an injury or something. So there has to be balance going forward. This pish has taught me that, at least.
All is not right with the world currently – for most, that’s actually pretty hard to process. A bitter pill to swallow. A turd in your sausage roll. I’ll never shop at M&S again.
Whether you think Covid-19 is a supervirus out to destroy our very existance, or the government using Covid-19 as a vehicle to further their own crooked agenda (try to narrow it down to just one), one thing is true – this world as it is right now, is fucking bullshit.
If my glasses steam up one more fucking time in the Co-Op, I will kill everyone in stabbing range. Albeit blindly.
Naturally, it’s not all black and white – nothing ever is. There is grey in between, let’s not be ignorant to that – if you genuinely care about any of it though, no doubt you’ve already explored it to the fullest extent (that means you’re already a virologist or an epidemiologist / have watched some YouTube videos, or read some illiterate Facebook posts from a twat in Scunthrope that ‘gets it’ – the digital age is a fucker, isn’t it? All the information in the world at our fingertips, but no real direction on what information is correct).
The long term affects of this virus are going to be horrific, and that’s not just for the people that fall ill with it, or get long-covid as it’s so affectionately called.
The degredation in mental and physical health, as well as the cuts and delays to our health services is frightening and will no doubt be pushed aside for years to come. Covid is king now. Cancer, HIV, MS and a slew of other illnessness are now second rate problems in the eyes of medical professionals, because of the stress they’re now under due to the virus itself, and the restrictions of resources that the government are throwing about so haphazardly.
Some people I know haven’t taken my overly cautious approach to this Covid lark, and have continued to train. If you’re of the Fight Club variety, then cool – you do you. Have fun, enjoy it. Fuck you. FUCK YOUR FUCKING FACE. I’m jealous. I miss being on the mats so much. It is minging.
I’m not especially interested in what your reasons are. Some of you are athletes, some are in bubbles, some just don’t give a flippin’ hoot. Just be safe, yo.
I don’t personally have a problem with people training, or continuing to train through this absolute fucking chaos, it might well be the thing that helps you survive – but I do think we should respect the people out there that aren’t as equipped to deal with this virus, as you might be. So don’t fall into old habits.
The BJJ community can at times be wholly selfish. I’m guilty of it myself too. We’ve probably all trained when we’re under the weather, because we wanted to train. Sure with the common cold, it’s probably not a big deal – but it completely disregards the family and friends of your training partners, who might not want to get sick. We forget that, or at least we ignore it.
I’ve seen coaches, students, training partners do the same. Someone can have the sniffles, assume it’s allergies and plod on. Before you know it – Tom, Dick & Harry all have the sniffles too. I don’t know about you, but my gi isn’t made of ragweed (wee allergy joke for ya, I’m here all week).
It’s probably not advisable to be as lax with Covid, since we just can’t know who that’s going to impact.
If you’re well enough to deal with Covid, then crack the fuck on, but your pal, their family or another friend may have an unknown medical condition or hidden disability and might not be so lucky.
My worry currently is that I’ve seen seemingly healthy people implode as their body starts to attack itself through some genetic bastardisation that doctors just couldn’t spot until it’s just too far gone. A training partner and mortal enemy of mine suffered an auto-immune disorder out of nowhere. It brings me no end of joy to mock him for it, but also it’s absolutely horrible what they’re going through right now.
So whilst you may be fit as a fiddle, it’s the people you come into contact with that matter (even mortal enemies). The virus could be The Green Mile for one of them.
That doesn’t mean don’t have your little Fight Club – it means, don’t be a fucking dickhead about it. Get tested, be sure that you’re not impacting others. The vulnerable are among us. Weirdly enough, they’re people too (except you Daniel, fuck you!).
Currently, I’m not sure when I’ll be back to training. My other half is one of the aforementioned vulnerable people, so I’m being cautious until things normalise a bit more. I’m going to end up sloppily double legging someone in Tesco soon. No-one wants to see that.
Once I get back on the mats, I’ve no idea where I’ll be. Whether I’ll be able to just pick up where I left off, or whether I’m going to be the prick wearing a BJJ brown belt that rolls about like he’s been only disciplined in Billy Blanks Tae Bo. I feel further from my black belt than I ever have. It was never the goal really, I just wanted to get better at this shit – but it’s weird to be up there now, and be so far from it. If that makes any sense.
Anyways, I’ve ran out of steam. Thanks for reading some of the stuff that’s floating about my mind at the moment. A big thanks to Boney, for encouraing me to write again.
adeus.